A Few Thoughts

I've overcome a lot of crazy feelings these past few months. It's been surprisingly wonderful. I'm far from perfect in my feelings, but I feel like I've conquered a lot of demons as far as guys go. However, the end of some feelings, make room for others...and I may now have a semi-inappropriate crush. It's not wrong, just bad timing...That's for another time though.



I had my tonsils out 10 days ago now. I'm still dealing with a lot of pain. It's very frustrating because the rest of me feels fine. I'm tired all the time from the painkillers and I can barely swallow my own saliva let-alone any food or water. It's finally starting to feel better, but it's been so much worse than I expected.



God does some crazy things in our lives eh? I'm learning more and more each day about God's timing and my own timing...and how God's is most definitely better than mine. I like that.



I miss my Oma a lot. I know she's in a better place and she's finally out of pain, so that's a huge comfort. I don't wish her back if she has to be in that pain, I would only want her back here if she was healthy and happy. Since I know she's got health and happiness with God, I'm happy she's there. I didn't go visit her in the hospital...I was sick and I also kinda just didn't want to see her like that. I still have that terrible vision of my Grandpa in my head and he wasn't even that far along in his illness when I saw him last. I can remember the good things, but there's still that image in my head. I didn't want that with my Oma. I love her very very very much and I told her that. I sent her cards too, while she was in the hospital. She knows I love her and I'm okay with my decision. I said goodbye to her in my heart and I know that she knows it wasn't that I didn't want to visit because I didn't want to see her, but because I didn't want to see her pain. I kept getting pressured to go visit, but I made my decision and stuck with it. I'm comfortable with it and I hope no one judges me for it. I love you Oma...so much!